Saturday, July 4, 2009

speed 5.2 (avg)
miles 4.28
time 54.20 min

Bare with me, I'll be writing some words that eventually will became thoughts and I'll explain in the next couple of posts... but for now only to remind me of all the things I want to share ... not only with you but with myself..

wife
motherhood
lost
moods
sickness
raw food
earth, nature,
love
kids
jogging
religion
spirituality
trust
husband
kids
principles
craziness
morals
beliefs
past
new
PRESENT
future....
Perfection
acceptance

Its being a while since I have written something, and not because I didn't want too, but because my brain has being all over the place...
You see I've being LOST for a while, and in the process of finding myself I became first an artist, then a traveler, then a WIFE then a MOM.. I'm still lost, some days a little bit less than other days, and for a while I didn't care I was lost, I was just going with the flow, very sad really .. but no one knows how much other lives can affect our own lives even if we really don't know each other ... what I'm trying to say is that you never now when or how there will be a sign in your life that hits you so hard that you start opening your eyes... anyway I don't want to open my eyes because of a tragic event that happens in my life ... I want to open my eyes now so I can be aware of every little tiny detail that surrounds me, So I can say at the end of my life that I did live and not just dreamed... you see there are really people out there that spend there lives dreaming .. dreaming about tomorrow, there is always a tomorrow.. I know because that has always being me.. either I dream of my past or I dream about my future... but what about my PRESENT!! I'm not saying is a bad thing to dream, is not bad when you apply some action to make your dream come true ... but when there is no action there is no reaction...

Life is not PERFECT, and that is what makes it beautiful.. but that simple little truth goes back and forth in my mind and every now and then I forget about it and stress starts building up... life is about practicing MINDFULNESS all the time and ACCEPT and EMBRACE the times that to my eyes things are not going the way they are suppose too, and then just release them and let them go so I can continue with good vibe without going in a vicious circle...

One of the reasons I being lost is because I stop learning... every day I need to learn new things.. I need to keep the excitement and the curiosity to keep going ... another reason is FEAR and this one is the most powerful and awful thing that someone can get in their soul... FEAR of EVERYTHING!!! Yes, I am one of those fearful persons... no, Im not afraid of spiders but I'm extremely afraid of 1. DRIVING... yes you hear that well I do drive but only in a 25 mile ratio and only in roads that I have already mastered.. ONE DAY I KNOW I WILL conquer THIS as I conquered my fear of heights, elevators, airplanes, dogs..
my first exhibition in a gallery..etc but my biggest fear and from which all my fears come is the fear of dying... ALL my life ever since I can remember I'm afraid to die....and because of this I haven't live my fullest./

When I was little my Nana (Babysitter) used to ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, and I would answer her "I'm going to cure the blind" and she would say "oH you want to be a doctor!!'

Not really, I never thought of becoming an MD... but I did imagined myself helping people... then life started and I haven't help the way I imagined but to do that I figure that first I have to help myself.. so how do I do that? when I have a husband, three kids, two cats, and a Brain that thinks way to much and at the end of the day I'm so tired that I just go to bed close my eyes and block everything until the next morning and the cycle start all over again...

After more than a couple of months of doing some mayor changes in our lives things are a little bit clearer and I think I can come back to my blog. I have miss The Blue Egg, but I was not ready for it, but now I think I can come back with baby steps...

So I hope to see you guys around here often... so I can share with you most of the amazing changes we have done around here..

1 comment:

Jane said...

I found your blog a couple of weeks ago and thought it was so lovely! I really like your art work! It is enchanting! I have enjoyed reading your post. I do understand and I hope that you will be able to find peace and joy along this journey of life we share. It can be so stressful and challenging and even scary sometimes. I really like your thought about living in the present, that is something Im working on also! Thanks for sharing your heart : ) Im looking forward to your posts and the adventures you have on finding ways to live in the present. Sorry this is so long.